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Fast Food, Fertilizers & Fertility: How to Not Become Pregnant

If you're thinking the answer to the title of this article is birth control or abstinence, you're wrong. Guys, the easy way to make sure you're shooting blanks is to sit on a heated car seat, or routinely handle cash register receipts, or use a vinyl shower curtain, or treat your lawn for weeds, or eat processed foods, or...

You're probably aware that narrow bike seats, eating tons of synthetic food additives and wearing "tighty-whities" have been shown to reduce sperm production and motility in men. Having a drawer full of boxer briefs may instill confidence in your virility, but everyday exposure to environmental toxins can still keep those swimmers at bay. Sure, you might contemplate "going commando" to increase your chances of success of becoming a parent, but why not go all the way?

First Things First

Making a baby involves a lot more than dining and dancing. A highly complex cascade of biological events is required to get your future Einstein out of the starting gate and into a nursery crib. According to the Mayo Clinic, a number of things can go wrong that have nothing to do with wooing. Structural problems, infection, chronic disease, substance abuse, poor nutrition and all sorts of other things can get in the way of X and Y chromosomes coming together. So, be sure to sort out any issues you may be able to control and seek professional counseling or medical attention for those you cannot. That said, it's time to move on to what else may be blocking your path to parenthood.

Sneaky Sperm Stealers

If you're making bedfellows with chemical-laden cleaners, paints, varnishes and other toxic compounds in your home, then you should be aware that these products may be robbing you or your partner of the chance to rock a cradle. Several studies have shown that male sperm counts have declined by approximately half since 1938, around the time chemical industrialization really started to boom. Prior to this time, the average 30-year old healthy male produced millions of viable sperm per milliliter of semen, but this number steadily petered out over the next several decades. By the mid-1990s, the average 30-year old male could only produce 51 million future Einsteins per milliliter. It only takes one to make a baby, but the more "kids" swimming in the pool means a greater chance that somebody's going to get lucky.

Luke, I am Not Your Father

Unfortunately, the government is not going to bail you out of your pool of household toxins. The FDA and Consumer Products and Safety Commission have their hands full trying to wade through the thousands of chemicals registered each year. Nor do these agencies have a clue as to the safety of complete formulas since safety testing is not required - until a sufficient number of people are injured. So, whip out your light saber and start reclaiming your territory by taking an inventory of what's lurking under the kitchen sink, in the bathroom, in the garage, etc. As a wise, 800-year old Jedi teacher once said, "Named must your fear be before banish it you can." Dumping things down the drain will harm the environment further and, if you have well and septic, possibly contaminate the drinking water of your neighbors. Since you don't want to be responsible for being a sperm slayer to the guy next door, pack up the toxic products you can live better without and arrange to have them picked up and disposed of properly. Your refuse and recycling collection center or your local town or city hall is a good place to start.

Raising Cane

Don't take a limited availability of natural products or a lack of ingredient disclosure lying down. Believe it or not, you possess the Almighty Power of the Consumer and your demands made at the top trickle down to the bottom line of manufacturers and distributors alike. If a manufacturer is not forthcoming about the ingredients in a product, call the 800 number on the label and inquire. Push the issue if the answers given are vague by insisting to speak with someone in research and development; otherwise, you might be showered with more marketing spin. Similarly, if your local supermarket isn't so super in terms of making a selection of natural household products available, tell them so. Do it by mail, phone and whatever other (legal and reasonable) means you feel necessary to make your voice heard at the corporate level.

Don't Throw the Baby Out with the Bathwater

Be aware that there's a lot of greenwashing going on these days. This means that some manufacturers are including meaningless advertising words and claims on product labels, like words that include or begin with "eco" and "natural." There are no regulatory definitions for these terms, so they can be used to mean anything the manufacturer considers wants them to.

How can you tell if a so-called green product really is? Look for certification by an independent third party on the label. There are a number of reputable certifying agencies that rate household goods from cleaning products to environmentally sound wall and floor coverings - and everything in-between. The following is a mere sampling:

Fast Food, Fertilizers & Fertility: How to Not Become Pregnant

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