Devastated

In 1999 I was put on SSI IMMEDIATELY due to being severely bipolar and also being borderline. In the year 2003 I was removed from SSI because I inherited some money, so I no longer qualified. However, this did not make it where I was no longer disabled, in fact, this only added to it big time.

Since 2003, I have had to pay a private medical insurance company above standard rates due to having a pre-exsiting condition. During the time I was on medi-cal I was unfortunately diagnosed with cancer. At first I was turned down by every private medical insurance company due to the cancer. I was told medi-cal wasn't considered to them to be previously insured because it is a government insurance.

I have a very sporadic work history due to my bipolar and borderline disorders, so I haven't accumulated much in my account. I was told by social security they did not put me on SSDI because it was past my insured date. AN INSURED DATE THAT WAS NEVER DISCLOSED TO ME. All other insurance policies reveal the date I'm insured up to, but my work related record never told me this. I just started receiving statements yearly, but I notice there isn't one mention of any insured date on them.

Now I am applying for SSDI and digging up information from many years back to prove I've been disabled all along, even as far back as my childhood. Many doctors records have been destroyed years ago by the doctors, so now I fear for sure I'll be turned down. Who keeps records that far back?

This is demeaning to me to try to prove all over again I am disabled. Bipolar and borderline don't just suddenly appear in 1999 anyway. The social security department claims even though I was considered disabled before, that record has been destroyed, and won't count to them anyway because it was after my insured date.

I live in fear everyday I will be turned down for one reason or another. Meanwhile I pay out $500.00 per month for an insurance that is no good and drops people all the time. I can't get any other place to insure me. I also have a %5,000.00 deductible per year. All I want is my medi-care. I would receive very little monthly, I even told them to keep my few hundred dollars, please just give me my medicare.

I haven't worked in many years, but that still doesn't prove anything to social security. Because I haven't been in continuous counseling makes social security figure I'm not disabled. I cannot afford to pay out of my own pocket for counseling and medications so I've had to go without. I don't dare tell my current insurance company because they would drop me like a hot potato.

I feel bad everyday over this, and I feel really stupid to not have known about an insured date. If I was trying to scam the system, I could have done it 20 years ago. Now I go without, and my insurance is raised all the time. This is not fair and I feel I shouldn't have to live this way. Meanwhile many others get their social security, plus they get way more than I would ever get. Most of them don't even have all the problems I have yet they still get it. They were smarter than me and knew of their insurance date. There isn't a day I don't cry over this.

With appreciation to: Law of attraction courses, how to apply The Law of attraction, law of attraction