Reassessing the Views on Healthy Sexuality

by Alexey Kuzmin
(London, UK)

Holistic living in holistic health presumes a state of complete physical, emotional and mental well-being on all levels. We are getting used to the concept of healthy living and holistic health by taking care of our bodies through diet and exercise, therapies and avoiding harmful influence, and by taking care of our mental and emotional health through a variety of strategies and techniques to decrease harmful influence on us from the world and from ourselves. It is a complex picture and a variety of good solutions for each part of the picture is offered to us.



But for many of us this picture remains incomplete. Many times we do not pay sufficient attention, or are simply unaware of, one very important segment of our total holistic well-being. And that is our sexual health.

What is the definition of sexual health? Normally, anyone would respond with a) absence of sexual adjustment to disease and b) no sexual dysfunction. As long as we don't have any of those we consider ourselves sexually healthy. However, it has been rightfully noted that health is not defined as simply absence of disease, health is defined as a state of physical and emotional and mental well-being. Therefore a good sexual health is being mentally at peace and satisfaction in our sexuality, emotionally fulfilled and balanced in our sexual relations, and physically free and empowered to leave our sexual lives. Yet how many people can say this about themselves? How many live unfulfilled, in emotional turmoil, compulsion, alienation, in mental pressure and stress, in physical frustration, dissatisfaction, and confusion? Yet they would normally call themselves sexually healthy purely through the absence of STDs or any extreme physical sexual dysfunction.

Some may argue that sexual health when defined like this is not a big part of the holistic health picture. This couldn't be further from the truth and this is why we are often not in good sexual health - we are not aware of how important it is and hence we don't look for ways to take care of this health. In fact, removing this misconception is the first and most important step on the way to sexual health. Sexual health is one of the true holistic aspects of ourselves that connects the physical and emotional, the emotional with a mental, and the mental with the physical. It is a huge network of physical organs, hormones, nervous system, mental patterns, the emotions, the desires, the expectations, all woven into a system that can affect us at any point of our being, for better or for worse. Numerous scientific studies have shown how much good sex life can do for our health and how much a bad one can harm it. Our sexual aspect is one of the central pieces of our being when we consider that it's not just to do with sex, it is to do with family, emotional fulfilment, search for personal happiness in a romantic relationship and intimacy with other human beings. Ultimately, it is about immortality, it is about surviving as a species and it is no surprise that is a very powerful drive that is connected to our entire being. Even our physical sexual system has great potential for keeping us in good health - our endocrine and nervous systems receive a powerful boost in every sexual experience which can retard ageing, rejuvenate us, revitalise all major systems, from metabolism to immunity, and bring us to the optimum state of functionality and health as an organism. In the same way as we would give the best to our children, our organism gives the best to our children, through our sexual aspect.

The emotional, psychological and mental effects of healthy sexuality are also hard to overestimate. There are few things that make us more relaxed, more loving, more fulfilled, more happy and less negative than healthy sexuality. It Is a tremendously powerful positive vibration that literally flushes through all the negativity in our being, from complexes and conditioning to stress and dissatisfaction.

And vice versa: when there are limitations in our sexuality and lack of harmony and fulfilment we are affected by it quite often a lot deeper than we realise. We see it as just dissatisfaction or frustration but in fact we have been distanced from a very powerful resource that could sustain a major part of us and all kinds of negativity enter our lives on the basis of poor sexual health. That, in turn, can have its own cascade effect and transmit through our system to have a harmful effect on us physically, emotionally, and mentally.

We should instinctively know this. We should know that sexuality plays a big part in our lives. If we are honest with ourselves and we look at how many times the motivation behind our actions or decisions is sexual, how many times there is a sexual dimension to our behaviour and choices, there is no way that we could say that sexuality is not important for our holistic well-being.

So what can we do to look after our sexual health?

1. Change our attitude

We should look at sex and sexuality differently. It sounds like very little but in reality this is where it all starts. Most of the time we simply don't think that sexuality needs responsible attitude. Most of the time we see it as just one of the pleasant things of life, perhaps some fun and entertainment. Sometimes we see it as something that can be easily ignored. And if we are religious we may also even see it as an enemy.

We have to understand that it is a big part of us, a huge segment of our nature and as such it cannot be our enemy nor can it be unimportant. Nails are unimportant because they're just something without much practical value, but sexuality is obviously one of the most prominent aspects of our lives and whatever is a part of us needs to be understood and cared for. There is no other part of us that we would ignore consistently assuming that it's okay to do that, so why do we think we can do that with sexuality? Sexual health as the idea of complete fulfilment and well-being on physical, emotional and mental levels, needs to be accepted by us and strived for in the total holistic picture. We have to stop seeing it as just something that keeps us entertained and pleased, and start seeing it as something that is also integral into our well-being objectively.

2. Learn

The second error that we tend to make is to assume that sexuality does not need any guidance or effort on our part. If is there, it is there. It comes itself and it goes away itself and if we try to understand it and make active choices in it, this will somehow ruin the real magic and the real sexuality will disappear. This doesn't make any sense. The human sexual physical-emotional-mental aspect is incredibly complex. There is nothing simple about it and the only reason we think it is something that we should just leave to its own devices is because we have always avoided learning about it and taking responsibility for it, sometimes from fear of the truth and sometimes due to social pressures. Our sexual reality, just like any other reality, is subject to universal laws and there are ways to enhance it, harm it, neglect it, and understand it. We often think that it is just something that exists only with our partners and it all depends on our partners, but once again we seem to avoid the responsibility and we should realise that it is a part of us whether we are with this partner, or another one, or alone. And it is up to us to know ourselves, to understand ourselves and to make ourselves more healthy.

We can educate ourselves through various media which is available to us these days. However, the Western approach to sexuality leaves a lot to be desired since it is still quite far from the holistic view. Western sexology is based mainly on the physical responsiveness of tissues and mental control over them. We can find much better answers in the East. For example, we can learn from the Taoists - those very people who have mapped our entire energy system and have one of the most successful holistic approaches to human life through their natural medicine and lifestyle. Those very people have also explored the movement of sexual energy in our being and mapped the conditions for a good flow and recommendations to avoid its bad flow. The Taoists accepted the sexual energy as one of our most potent resources for health, vitality, longevity, and balance. By learning about the Taoists approach we can truly empower our sexuality and turn it for our use in our holistic lifestyle. Likewise, the Tantric culture in India has some very good advice on how to integrate our sexual energy into fulfilling personal growth and health.

3. Explore

But don't forget that it is sexuality we're talking about. Learning more about how our sexual energy really works and how it affects our being doesn't have to take away the magic and enjoyment and beauty. On the contrary, by becoming more harmonic with our sexuality through educating ourselves we open ourselves even more to larger pastures. But one has to remember that it is a highly individual and intimate thing and we are all infinitely different, and in sexuality even more so. Sexual self-education can help us by giving us some keys and techniques to enter higher states of healthy sexuality but it is us who have to explore on our own with an aware and conscious attitude to keep our sexuality ever expansive and alive.


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About the Author

Alexey Kuzmin is a professional in the field of Tantric-Taoist sacred sexuality. He conducts Tantric tuition session for couples, as well as treating people with Tantric Massage Bodywork in London to help reconnect to our source within and lead a more harmonic life.