Dads Everywhere: We Need to Talk About Your 20-Minute Poop Breaks

Dads Everywhere: We Need to Talk About Your 20-Minute Poop Breaks
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MOTHERS: KEEP READING… There’s a nationwide – possibly global – problem frustrating moms every and it needs to be addressed. Meet Elle Beattie, an Australian award-winning radio producer and mother of 1-year-old baby boy, Lang. Now more than ever, she is your fellow mom-in-arms who’s spearheading the problem and has gone viral doing so!

Elle Beattie and Her Problem with “Poop Breaks”

Yes, you read that right – poop breaks. Not just any poop break, though, but dads’ poop breaks! You see, Elle Beattie actually has made her beef quite clear and it’s hard to argue against.

“Every day around the world, men are momentarily shirking their parenting responsibilities and hiding away in the restroom to enjoy luxurious 20-minute poop breaks,” the frustrated mother wrote in an article for Parent.[1] “Moms just poop, whereas dads have a poop break. Can you spot the difference?”

It’s not a problem she noticed until going on maternity leave but, if you’re a wife or mother, you can probably relate to this picture… Your significant other’s body gives him a signal that something is brewing, he puts down the book or pauses the television series, grabs his phone, and that’s the last you see of him for what seems like forever. Literally.

Maybe you’ve already finished raising multiple kids, maybe you’re fresh to the world of parenting. Whatever the case, Elle Beattie is preaching the truth!

“My son morphs into a heat-seeking missile the minute I enter the toilet zone. So, I become the ‘Pied Pooper,’ madly trying to find things to throw out the door, creating a toilet roll trail to lead my crawling child away from me.”

“When I use the restroom, I have to treat it like a challenge… I race in and out in record time. My husband, meanwhile, takes his time, puts his feet up, and zones out of the havoc on the other side of the door.”

Dads: The Bathroom is Not a Man Cave

Dads Everywhere: We Need to Talk About Your 20-Minute Poop Breaks

Honestly. Don’t they have the basement, or den, or garage? When did the toilet become a safe haven and escape from the necessary responsibilities of parenting?

Unfortunately, Dads in Defense of Poop Breaks – don’t worry, it’s not a real thing (yet) – may have language on their side. How, you ask? In the word “restroom.”

But, that term is arguably misleading. Clearly, it would make more sense to call it a “toilet-room” or real ones that already exist like “bathroom” or “washroom.” You would think no one in their right mind would want to actually rest in the presence of a toilet.

In 1897, the word “rest-room” referred to a room with a toilet. More specifically, in American, it meant a public toilet. We repeat, a public toilet.[2] Last time we checked, your home was not a public place, which means your toilet-room definitely isn’t either. So, Elle Beattie might have some historical and etymological evidence on her side should any daring husbands rebut her, might I add, valid complaint.

“Yes, I believe my husband actually does his business at some point in there, but unless his bowels operate in ultra-super-exceptionally-slow-motion, there’s a whole lot of me-time happening in our ensuite, and I want a piece of the pie.”

And, really, all moms should want a piece of their pie!

Elle Beattie Has a Proposition for All Dads in Defense of Poop Breaks

Remember that company in Japan who announced that all non-smoking staff members would receive an extra six days annual leave to compensate for all the breaks their smoking co-workers take?

Similarly, for every unnecessarily extended poop break that daddy takes, mommy will be keeping records and cashing in her equivalent “me-time” time every year.

“So husband,” Elle Beattie warns, “Every empty toilet roll tossed out the door will give you an extra 30 seconds poop time. I’ll Skype you from Hawaii.”

Please, for the Sake of Wives and Moms Everywhere…

Husbands might want to think twice (or more) about Elle Beattie’s proposition, too, especially seeing as spending too much time on the toilet can lead to some pretty devastating health problems!

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