There are two different kinds of people in this world. Those who understand that olives are literally the worst, and people who like to eat healthy things and keep their bodies strong.
Olives come in all different colors, which might lead you to think that they taste different and maybe one type will be delicious. Nope. But, they are grown all over the world and super good for you, still I can’t imagine why anyone likes them.
Then, they get all their juices over anything they touch, leaving behind a disgusting hint of bitterness on everything. I mean, olive oil is strongly linked with the reduced prevalence of cardiovascular diseases and certain cancers. But still, gross!
Olive loaf. Why is this even a thing? Why take delicious bread and chuck some olives into it? Just because olives help with things like memory and the reduction of wrinkles doesn’t mean they need to be in bread! Don’t let it fool you, it’s a trap!
Who first thought that putting an olive in a cocktail was a good idea? Why ruin a perfectly good martini? Sure, they’re rich in antioxidants, with health benefits ranging from fighting inflammation to reducing the growth of unwanted microorganisms, but that doesn’t mean I need them in my martini!
This then leads to the madness that is adding MULTIPLE olives to a martini… and adding the olive juice! Disgusting! Yeah, OK, they’re good for your heart and may help regulate cholesterol, but is heart-health really that important?
Want to have a bad day? Don’t check your salad for olives before you buy it. They’ll be there, hiding underneath the lettuce, waiting for you to accidentally eat them in a mouthful of veggie goodness. The potential to lower your risk of cancer and other chronic diseases is not reason enough to ruin a perfectly good salad.
Another way to make sure you have a terrible day is to visit a salad bar where the olives have crept into the wrong container. One sneaky olive destroying your entire sandwich. Enhancing fertility and benefiting reproductive systems aren’t good enough reasons for me!
Olives on pizza are the worst kind of olives. They’ve been baked into the cheese so you can’t even pick them off without half the pizza going with them. Being a good source of fiber by adding essentially negative calories while also being a good source of Vitamin E can’t compare with how much I hate them!
If you do have the patience to pull off every single evil little olive, it doesn’t matter. The taste has already seeped through the rest of the pizza and ruined it from within! And, well, OK, they might help fight off Alzheimer’s and other degenerative diseases, but come on!